I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
