So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
