You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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