Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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