the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
