i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
