guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
