I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
