ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
