I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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