this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Bring me that man meat
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
