My underwear smells like fireworks.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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