What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
