I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
My vagina just recognized that song.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
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