No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Randomize
