it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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