If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
