she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
