We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
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