I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
