Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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