Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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