I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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