took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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