After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
