I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
