My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
