There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
so explain again why im purple
no
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
