Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
