Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
