dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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