Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You're like the curious george of whores
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
