I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
