dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
