We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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