well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
