Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
