I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
