dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
