I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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