if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
