so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
