i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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