Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
