It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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