All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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