I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
