it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
