do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
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