Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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